Dickson's Joke Treasury: An Anthology of Gags, Bits, Puns and Jests-- And How To Tell Them

Dickson's Joke Treasury: An Anthology of Gags, Bits, Puns and Jests-- And How To Tell Them

Paul Dickson

Language: English

Pages: 320

ISBN: 0471556661

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

A revised and expanded version of the author's previous book Jokes. There is a new chapter featuring tips and anecdotes from such luminaries as Bill Novak, Leo Rosten, Charles Osgood and Tip O'Neill. All jokes are ``clean'' and there are chapters on flies in the soup jokes, unintended puns, knock-knock jokes, shaggy dog jokes and many others. Includes a bibliography of joke books and magazines.

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didn't know. I beamed and shot back, "That was no ladle, that was a spoon _" Not to belabor the obvious, it was a proud moment for both of us. II I was born and brought up in Yonkers, New York, which ranks with Tickfaw, Louisiana, and Podunk, Massachusetts, as one of the most inherently funny names on the map of America. Unlike Tickfaw and Podunk, however, it also was loaded with funny people-Sid Caesar, Morey Amsterdam, and Art Carney all were born or lived there-and was, along with Hoboken,

until one night the poodle comes in alone and says, " I'm sorry, my master isn't feeling well tonight, so perhaps you could give me my martini and he will pay for it tomorrow. '' The bartender says fine and serves the dog his drink. 139 SHAGGY DOG SHOW The next night the man and the poodle come in and the man says, "Thank you so much for being so kind to my poodle. In fact I've brought you a gift." The bartender opens the gift box and finds a large, live lobster. "Thank you, sir," says the

about how good the old bulb was. 170 DICKSON'S JOKE TREASURY Q. How many waiters .. . A. None. Even a burned-out bulb can't catch a waiter's eye. Q. How many WASPs .. . A. Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis. Q. How many White House aides . .. A. They prefer to do it in the dark. Q. How many Zen Buddhists .. . A. Two. One to screw it in and one not to screw it in. Q . How many Zen masters . .. A. The Zen master is the light bulb. ••• The "How many . . . " formula has

should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc. Ubrary of Congress Cataloging in PubUatJoo Data: Dickson , Paul. Dkkson's joke treasury : an anthology of gags, biiS, puns. and jesiS and how to tt'll them I ~ul Dickson. p. em. ISBN 0·471 ·55666·1 (pbk.) I. American wit and humor. I. Title PN6162.D46 1992 818'.540208-dclO 91-42415 Printed In the United States of America 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 I With special recognition of the late Irving Hale and the late Russ Dunn, Sr.,

week passes and the archangel Gabriel comes to St. Peter to say that the computer is back in operation, and it is now time for him to fetch the two priests. "Well," says St. Peter, "the first guy will be easy to find. He's flying over the Rockies near the Colorado-Wyoming border. The other guy's going to be a lot harder to find: He's somewhere inside a snow tire in Minnesota." The gate between heaven and hell breaks, and St. Peter calls over to the devil, "It's your turn to fix it." "Sorry," says

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