Friars Club Private Joke File: More Than 2,000 Very Naughty Jokes from the Grand Masters of Comedy

Friars Club Private Joke File: More Than 2,000 Very Naughty Jokes from the Grand Masters of Comedy

Language: English

Pages: 416

ISBN: 1579125506

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

Rated XF (for X-tra Funny), this giant collection of off-color jokes, stories, and anecdotes comes straight from the kings and queens of blue humor: The Friars Club.

In the tradition of the bestselling Friars Club Encyclopedia and Bible (315,000 copies sold), this brand-new, giant collection of laugh-out-loud, hide-it-from-the-kids humor features more than 2,000 saucy jokes and stories grouped thematically into such categories as Marriage, Medicine, Old Age, Kids, and (of course) Sex. Much of the material is attributed to well-known and popular comedians, including Richard Belzer, Gilbert Gottfried, Susie Essman, and Penn Jillette. As a bonus, interviews with a wide variety of stand-up comedians known for their naughtiness— including Mario Cantone, Judy Gold, Jeffrey Ross, Lisa Lampanelli, and many more—are sprinkled throughout.

Sitting down with The Friars Club Private Joke File is like having a front-row seat at one of their infamous Roasts. Whether browsing for a good ice-breaker or perusing it cover to cover, this no-holds-barred compilation will keep readers laughing and blushing for a long, long time.

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Private Eye [UK], Issue 1335 (8-21 March 2013)












and takes in a deep breath. “Ah, yes, that’s what I’ll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes.” “Unbelievable,” says the owner to himself as he walks toward the kitchen. He tells his wife, who happens to be the cook, what has just happened. Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. “Sir, remember me? I’m the blind man.” “I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you. I’ll go get you a dirty fork.” After another deep breath, the blind man says, “That smells

delicious muffins (note: try it on your friends, it gets pretty funny); make a bird’s nest; throw at a friend and yell, “Spiders!”; make a sweater, make some mittens, make some socks, make another sweater; use as a topping in a friend’s sandwich. Three gay men die and are scheduled to be cremated. Their lovers happen to be at the funeral home at the same time and they begin discussing what they plan to do with the ashes. The first man says, “My Benny loved to fly, so I’m going up in a plane and

sees “The President Must Go” written in urine across the snow. He’s pretty ticked off and storms into the office of his security staff. “Somebody wrote a threat in the snow on the front damn lawn!” he yells. “And they wrote it in urine! Sonofabitch had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you?!” The security guys stay stare ashamedly at the floor. “Well, dammit, don’t just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!” The entire

toast. To Tom and Dickie Smothers for bringing dignity back to our Roast. —TOM COTTER, SMOTHERS BROTHERS ROAST, 2003 A wino scraped together five dollars, bought and downed two bottles of Thunderbird, and passed out behind a hedge in a nearby park. Not long afterward a gay man strolled by and noticed him. “That’s appealing,” he thought to himself, and he rolled the wino over and fucked him. It was such a pleasant experience that he tucked five dollars in the drunk’s pocket and went on his way.

reads a sign hanging over the bar that says FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So Pete asks the bartender about it. “First you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once, and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s an alligator out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there’s a woman upstairs who’s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.” “Well, as much as I would love free beer, I

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