Letters from a Nut
Letters from a Nut
Ted L. Nancy
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Who is Ted L. Nancy?
He's a concerned hotel guest searching for a lost tooth...
He's a superstitious Vegas high-roller who wants to gamble at a casino in his lucky shrimp outfit...
He's the genius inventor of "Six Day Underwear"...
He's a demanding dramatist seeking an audience for his play about his 26-year-old dog, Cinnamon...
He's the proud owner of Charles, a 36-year-old cat who owes his longevity to a pet food company...
He's a loyal fan of the King of Tonga...
He is, in reality, a twisted prankster -- a supremely off-kilter alter ego who sends patently ridiculous letters and queries to (and receives surprisingly earnest responses back from) corporate honchos, entertainment conglomerates, national publications, politicians, celebrities and heads of state to everyone, in fact, from the president of the Bon Ami Cleanser Company to U.S. Vice President Al Gore.
Letters From A Nut is an insanely inspired, truly madcap collection of Nancy correspondence, a laugh-out-loud-in-public-places aggregation of official -- and officially certifiable -- requests, complaints, fan mail and questions that could not possibly have been taken seriously...but, amazingly, were!
Dear Mr. Nancy:"It is not often that we receive such enthusiastic support for the paper bag." --The Paper Bag Council
"On behalf of Greyhound, there should be no problem traveling while in your butter costume." --Greyhound Bus Lines
"I look forward to working with you to create a better future for this great nation." -- Vice President Al Gore
"An unending stream of some of the most hilarious exchanges I've ever read. Everyone I lent this book to just read it and laughed out loud like I did. It's so simple, yet totally inventive. I'm sure some sort of mail fraud charges could be brought to stop this man but, personally, I hope they never catch him." --Jerry Seinfeld
Tom White Christine San Jose, Ph. D. February 29, 1996 Dear Mr. Nancy: Thank you for proposing to send pictures of your freckles to Highlights. Based on their descriptions in your query, we feel that they would not meet Highlights' needs at this time. We appreciate your interest in Highlights for Sincerely, The Editors Children. Ted L. Nancy 560 North Moorpark Rd. #236 Thousand Oaks, California 91360 GENERAL MANAGER GUTHRIE THEATER 725 Vineland Place Minneapolis, Minnesota 55403 Jul 15,
my fellow travelers regarding what we can do/or expect regarding the shouting of obscenities. I have always enjoyed American Hawaii Cruises from hearing about them. It is * the kind of cruise I would like to go on. We all need to get away a little. Please let me know, American Hawaii, ** what can be done to possibly control the situation. (At least let the crew know). If you feel, this would disrupt your cruise (some people are going on a romantic cruise, so I can understand) then we'll arrange
disgrace! He will knock Schmeling out in the FIRST ROUND 1!! I have seen Larry Holmes fight and he is still a finely tuned athlete. Hell, James J. Corbett was 38 when he challenged. Something must me done to stop this aging in sports. I suggest: A.) When an athlete reaches 30 he is immediately reclassified. He must sign in and have his signature verified at Macy's (or another large building capable of holding many). B.) Double the cornermen in each fighter's corner. (We need safety) 2
see their work appreciated, it's something like when parents watch their children playing. They may not be involved, but there's this detached pride in the joy that they feel indirectly responsible for. That was the look on that man's face that night. I guess I didn't realize it at the time, but I am convinced to this day that that man was the real Ted L. Nancy. When I left, I asked the host if I could borrow the letters. I didn't know what I was going to do with them. I think I really just
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