My Life in Jokes

My Life in Jokes

Bob Hope

Language: English

Pages: 224

ISBN: 2:00263415

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

Now in paperback--one of America's greatest entertainers shares his favorite jokes and memories.

Bob Hope died at the age of 100 in July '03. His legendary career spanned the entire 20th century, from impersonating Charlie Chaplin in front of the firehouse in Cleveland in 1909 to celebrating an unprecedented 60 years with NBC in 1996. He entertained millions worldwide with his performances in vaudeville and on Broadway, on his top-rated weekly radio show, in beloved movies such as his Road pictures with Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour, and, most notably, in the countless television appearances that made him a superstar and a welcome guest in every living room in the country.

With Bob Hope: My Life in Jokes, readers can enjoy the very best of his humor and, in the process, learn about the amazing life and career of a true national treasure.

On the early years:
"I wouldn't have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."

On growing old:
"Age is only a number. However, in my case, it's a rather large number."

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Monty Python Speaks

My Fat, Mad Teenage Diary

400 Travelling Salesmen Jokes

How to Succeed in Business Without Really Crying











plaque on the outside . . . "Last bathroom before Scotland." In England, I was the youngest of five boys. Mter they had me, Mum and Daddy never spoke to each other again. I was Mom's favorite, though. She was always playing with me and tossing me in the air ... What fun it would have been if one day she would've caught me. There were so many in my family, I was eight years old before it was my turn in the bathroom. In all there were seven brothers. That's how I learned to dance . . . waiting for

the feeling he won. Things are so bad that last week Huntley tried to jump offBrinkley. Really, I don't envy President Kennedy. For the first time I'm worried if he has enough hair to last out the job. It's been a slow year back home-only one Kennedy got elected. ro8 The Kennedys had a nice Christmas: Jackie got a new of water skis, the president got a of clippers, and Ted got a nice presentMassachusetts. There was a wonderful Christmas spirit in Washington this year. The

Washington, President Kennedy threw out the first ball. He threw it at the president of U.S. Steel. The White House press conference proved that the prez really has got a temper. The cherry trees blossomed three weeks earlier this year. I hate to think what'll happen if the price of haircuts ever goes up. Kennedy was so mad he called the Cabinet, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, all his brothers and had the Atlantic fleet anchor off Pittsburgh. And I don't think it helped when the president of U.S.

would be a kick to be the ftrst variety show from the West let into that previously rsr oppressive regime. I decided it was time to do a show in Beijing. It's a master stroke of diplomacy. Under the new alignment China and the United States become friends. And even Taiwan isn't left out ... Taiwan gets Cleveland. Trade's already commenced between the two countries. The Chinese are crazy about thousand-yearold eggs .. . so they just buy fresh eggs over here and have our post office deliver

votes, and the other one has seventy-three percent of the votes . .. and that's with only three percent of the island reporting. President Reagan sent Senator Lugar to Manila as an observer. After he got back, he told the president, '1 didn't see anything suspicious when I voted." The team of U.S. observers saw so much cheating, they thought they accidentally got off the plane in Chicago. It was an historic election anyway. It's the first time any country has ever used a ballot box that flushes.

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