Out of Whack

Out of Whack

Jeff Strand

Language: English

Pages: 248

ISBN: 0759945020

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

From the author of How to Rescue a Dead Princess comes Out of Whack, an outrageous comedy about friendship, love, following your dreams, and other really scary stuff. Seth Trexler has two goals in life: to find success with his off-the-wall sketch comedy troupe, and to win the girl of his dreams. But when you suffer from brain-erasing stage fright and an incredible female-phobia, those goals can be a bit tricky to attain. With his best friend Travis at his side, Seth struggles to overcome his fears (along with the 2,873 other roadblocks in the path to success) in this hilariously demented yet heartfelt tale. But don't read it for the laughs. And don't read it for the heartfelt parts. Read it for the sex scene, which proves that even if you're filled with ravenous animal passion, trying to dramatically tear off somebody's underwear can only lead to wedgies.

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here to hurt you.” “You couldn’t anyway,” Travis pointed out, an act that nearly got him a violated softball in the mouth. “What do you want?” I asked. Kirk reached into his pocket and took out a crumpled piece of paper. “I saw this at school, and thought it sounded like something you might be interested in,” he said, looking at the ground. “You may have already seen it, but I wasn’t sure.” I went over and took the paper from him. I unfolded it and strained to read the terrible handwriting.

armpits?” and we blamed it on that geeky guy at the end of the hall who never bathed and ate soap? SETH: That’s right! And remember how Vinnie could make that really cool popping sound with his belly button and he would call people he didn’t know and not say anything but just make that popping sound into the phone and then hang up? TRAVIS: Man, those were some times. SETH: You’re not kidding. [ Seth walks off-stage. Travis continues with the news. ] TRAVIS: The president has just been shot.

Singer returned with a Styrofoam cup of water. “You need to drink this upside-down,” he said. “Say—hiccup—what?” I asked. “No, really, it works. Can you do a handstand?” “Oh, sure, have him do a handstand while he’s hiccupping so he can break his neck,” muttered Travis. “Well, I guess he can put his head between his legs and drink it,” Awful Singer said. “I think it’s supposed to be seven sips of water, followed by seven more sips,” said Flaming Hair. “While you recite dirty limericks,”

left, shutting the door behind him. Laura turned to me. “Tell the truth. Aren’t you glad now that Out of Whack is still going?” “I’m very glad,” I said. “I was a jerk last night, and I promise it will never happen again.” “As a male, there’s no way you can promise that,” Laura told me. “But I need to take some of the blame, too. I should have been a little more...how should I say this?... understanding last night. No offense, but I assume you don’t have much experience with women, and I’m

anyway. And, of course, our handwriting improved. Chapter Five “Why Dating Should Be Illegal” Did I skip chapter four? This book-writing thing is more difficult than I thought. Oh well. I sometimes think the reason we got into comedy was that our lives contained such an overdose of insanity. A good example is our first date (we doubled), which happened in eighth grade and should have been a nice little dinner-and-a-movie deal. Now, lots of people have the First Date From Hell. Travis and I

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