The Complete Idiot's Guide to Jokes

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Jokes

Larry Getlen

Language: English

Pages: 336

ISBN: 1592575382

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


The funniest jokes from the funniest people

Now readers can have hilarious quips at their fingertips with this collection of jokes broken down by category and cross-referenced. And if their delivery leaves something to be desired (i.e., laughs), real advice from comedians and some of the nation’s top motivational and corporate speakers will help them keep their audience in stitches.
• Includes more than 1500 of the funniest lines from the funniest comedians
• Jokes are easily referenced and cross-referenced for various uses—business, speeches, toasts, etc.
• Includes jokes and advice from Dave Barry, Wendy Liebman, Penn Jillette, and others
• Foreword by Gilbert Gottfried
• Written by an experienced comedian and comedy writer

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says Gene Perret, former head writer for Bob Hope. Perret has heard people throw o joke in the middle of another joke and muddle it completely. ·Many times the added joke simply slows down the pace of the main joke, or it destroys the natural rhythm of the original joke." Perret uses a Henny Youngman example. ·Imagine it delivered this way: 'Toke my wife, who is not o very good cook. She con burn JeiiD. So toke herpleose ·• Not good. Avoid this. A child develops individuality long before he

off that time machine, and someone says, "Shh. They' re crucifying Jesus. And this is a library."-Geoff Holtzman People have dreams and they wanna tell them to you, but the thing about a dream is-didn't happen. So it's a long story about something that didn't really happen, and the ending is always the same unless you pass away in your sleep: you woke up.-Greg Behrendt My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.-Mitch Hedberg One time the po\\ er went out in my house. I had no

He Complete Idiot's Guide toMes \tVhen we were trying to have a baby, every day I would rake my wife's temperarure, and every time it was 99 or above, we'd make love. This went on for 3 months, until she caught me-stirring my coffee with the thermometer.-Brian IGiey ~ Hackity Hack--~ 'C!::!/ Reason number two not to soy, "Stop me if you've heard this before"-it's old hot. john Marshall, writer for Chris Rock, Colin Quinn, and others, puts it bluntly: "'Stop me if you've heard this before' is

people are left witl1 only one nagging question: what kind of freak has I ,000 pages of medical records?-Jon Stewart Going to Vassar College when Bush was elected president was like living at a nudist colony if pants were elected president.-Geoff Holtzman \tJi} ~ ~ Make 'Em l a u g h - - - - - - - - - - - - - . The key to comedy is surprise, so it's essential to not give away the surprise by signaling what comes next-especially if describing a scenario in which the main character is you. "It

Greek god of love, because, Like love, it is a cold, dead, gray rock.-Jason Reich Scientists have completed the first human genome map. It's the greatest scientific discovery in history, if you don't count silicone breast implanrs.-Craig Kilborn It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there.-Steven Wright Scientists say the only way to control killer bees is to mate them with milder bees. So if we have a mass murderer, we don't execute him? We fix him

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